Ed Welch on "Depression's Odd Filter"

Ed Welch, author of Depression: A Stubborn Darkness , has an excellent post on how depressed people often hear and think, "Depression's Odd Filter." Here's the start:

Someone says to you, “I love you.”

You hear . . . nothing. Actually you hear something. You hear a little voice in your brain that says, “I’m worthless. You’re only saying you love me because you think you have to.”

Somehow, from the mouths of other people to your ear, all words of blessing and encouragement get tumbled upside down and backward and confirm your suspicions about yourself. You are an abject failure. Unloved. Unlovable. And everyone knows it.

There are hundreds of variations.

“You look nice today.”

Push it through the filter of depression and you get, “Not true. I know I am ugly.”

Or, “You seem to be feeling a little better today.”

This means, “Oh, you don’t want to talk to me anymore.”

This is your brain on depression. And we could add, it is your brain on shame.

If this internal circuitry reversed every word, a loved one could say, “You are really such a jerk,” and you would hear, “I love you.” But it doesn’t work that way. Depression (or shame) corrupts every blessing and leaves the curses in their untouched, pristine form.

You might want to take a few minutes and identify this dastardly filter.

What kind words have other people said to you? What did you actually hear after your depressive, inner-translator did a number on it?

That was a warm-up. Now on to something more lethal.

Read the rest here.